What universtiy would turn this down?

I am a hero, I am frequently seen curing the sick, and I am a satisfactory speller. I’ve been seen swimming with deadly sharks, and building sand-castles. I am known for such sayings as “It’s not easy being cheesy,” and “Taste the rainbow.” When I am bored at night I make moderately buttered toast, and build sky scrapers just by thinking of them. I attract women with my chiseled feature, and stop wars with my chin. I have boxed Chuck Norris, and only spent a year in critical condition. I have gone to Kenya, also Mexico. I can chew my food with my eye brows, and fly a plane by whistling ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’. I am a zealous fighter, an investigator of school projects, and a prodigy of Shakespeare. I killed Elvis by playing the most beautiful music he had ever heard; giving him ventricular arrhythmia, at approximately 6:34 am Pacific Time. I can tie my shoes. I discovered a direct link to the cerebrums neural electronic impulses with organisms that: impair bodily functions, initiate injuries, disables cells, releases disorders, syndromes and infections. I was born in Canada. I am good at Tic Tac Toe and I invented Scrabble. I can pole volt tall buildings, or a canal in Venice in a single leap. I polish my toenails, wear lipstick if it's the 3rd Saturday and a full moon. I am cousin to the King of Norway, and god father to a 2nd grade trouble maker. I walk the streets at night battling evil, in the day I battle copious amounts of English homework.

I am a lover of chicken, a hablo mucho grande espanola, and I an affiliate of the Club for a Random Assortment of People Who Love Socks and Other Foot Warming Devices or C.R.A.P.W.L.S.O.F.W.D. for short. I am a worshiped in many South American villages. Once I baked a batch of cookies. 2000 years ago a Jewish prophet by the name of Jesus foretold my coming. I am a brilliant student who would exemplify your schools ideals, and I am an excellent candidate to receive a letter of acceptance from your radiant diamond of a school. I am JESPER RAGE!